January 1, 2007
2006 - The Year in Revue
In many ways, it was a far, far better year than we could have hoped for. But it was a very crazy year.
This is where the Democrats were at the beginning of the year: a Supreme Court ruling removed the only barriers that had prevented the Democrats from complete self-immolation.
In February, a U.S. ban on animal-human hybrids had the unintended consequence of making chickenhawks illegal, decimating the White House and much of the Republican leadership.
In frustration, Vice President Cheney shot a friend in the face, and it was discovered that he had previously run a friend through with a hunting knife.
Subsequently, Dubai was chosen to run the American government in the absence of any actual American leadership.
In March, as part of a rash of legislative approaches to stopping Republican governmental crime, the Senate retroactively legalized the Watergate break-in. Then, to celebrate the third anniversary of the invasion of Iraq, Dick Cheney dropped an enormous cake on Iraq, destroying a power plant and two schools.
In April, amidst rumors that Scott McClellan was about to implode, I made a pitch to become the next great White House Press Secretary.
In May, to address the immigration crisis, the National Guard was forced to hire illegal immigrants to patrol the Mexican border.
June was a busy month. The U.S. refused to pay dues to the World Cup organization, the Supreme Court eviscerated the knock-knock joke, and the White House executed the New York Times.
Up-is-down-ism reached its peak (or its bottom) when Republicans claimed that eliminating taxes would fix the deficit.
In August, Americans begged Bush to take a longer vacation, but Bush came back early to promise to keep promising to fix New Orleans.
Bush then immediately spent weeks in intricate negotiations over the details of a law that he never intended to follow.
The first hint of good news in the year came when Bill Scher of Liberal Oasis showed us how to win the war of ideas and return the Democratic party to greatness.
In October, the Republican leadership was "shocked, shocked" to discover that Mark Foley had a little problem.
In November, the Democrats actually won control of Congress.
But it wasn't all good news. A prominent male hooker was forced to step down after he was discovered having sex with a sleazy evangelical leader. Because of this, Donald Rumsfeld resigned.
In December, outgoing Majority Leader and doctor Bill Frist attempted to declare a Democratic Senator dead in an effort to hold on to his position.
And millions wept as James Brown lay in state at the Capitol.
Happy New Year from all of us at Opinions You Should Have!
Posted by Tom Burka at 6:03 PM
Year in Review