The chancellor of Trump University today announced that it had successfully completed negotiations to acquire the Electoral College. "No other University has an Electoral College. It's much better than a college of, say, physical sciences," he said.

"Trump University is intent on improving its offerings in any way that can enrich Donald Trump and his family," Chancellor Don Novello told reporters. "So that they can then better the lives of our students," he quickly added.

Spokespeople for the Electoral College said that the merger with Trump University would help the College in its mission to give more sparsely populated states undue influence in American elections. "It's very important that we allow swing states to determine the outcome of elections as opposed to more populous states," Dean Reince Priebus said. "We want to do everything we can to contravene the will of the majority of Americans."