I've taken to twittering the debates, although I usually keep it a secret and tweet quietly in the corner. (If you don't know Twitter, check it out, there are some fun feeds there.) So come on in and subscribe to my Twittercast. It's like listening to me rant at the TV screen, except that I don't talk nearly as much. Or better yet, get yourself an account, follow me, and we can twitter at each other.

Other twittercasts I recommend are those of Bill Scher (LiberalOasis), Gina Louise Sciarra (Knitting Liberally), Pistolette (just discovered her -- she's funny), and John "PC" Hodgman.

Anonymous tipsters claimed to have spotted Secretary of the Treasury Henry Paulson earlier today on a secluded tropical island.

The FBI confirmed today that Paulson left the country early yesterday afternoon with what JetBlue Airlines called "countless heavy, fully stuffed duffel bags." There were so many duffel bags that Paulson paid thousands of dollars in excess luggage charges "without batting an eyelash," a JetBlue Airline official said.

The White House hastily released a statement Sunday afternoon saying that Paulson had "taken a brief vacation," and claimed that mobilization of a vast number of Air Force search jets over the entire Pacific was "just a military exercise." Nonetheless an unusual number of comings and goings at the White House and on Capitol Hill conveyed an air of panic.

An anonymous source claimed that Paulson had left a note in which he stated that he had concluded that "the American economy is no longer viable: I am going to make my own." President Bush refused to confirm that such a note existed, saying only that on Sunday, he rarely reads, but that "he would check his desk first thing Monday."

Lawmakers were putting together what they called an "emergency emergency" $350 billion "replacement" bill, which they promised would include even more oversight.

"This time we're using electronic monitoring," promised Rep. Barney Frank.

In other news, an unidentified bidder purchased the countries of Mauritius, Belize, and Tahiti as what he called "second homes."

Sarah Palin, plagued by polls indicating her dropping popularity and interviews with Katie Couric where she was so beleagured that she made Dan Quayle look brilliant by comparison, did an impression of comedian Tina Fey impersonating Sarah Palin at last night's Vice Presidential debate so that she could be "even more folksier and plain spoken."

Palin explained her affinity for Fey, who now regularly returns to Saturday Night Live to play Palin. "You know what I like about Tina?" Palin said, smiling and winking at reporters. "She's a mav-rick, you betcha."

Palin then extended her middle fingers and thumbs, pretending her hands were guns, and said "pyeuw!, pyeuw!" while making shooting gestures at the corners of the room. Tina Fey had done the same thing last Saturday on NBC, but used her forefingers. "I think middle fingers are more direct," explained Palin. "It's more the John McCain way."

Viewers were impressed with Palin's performance at the debate, some remarking how awestruck they were at the vitality of Palin's impersonation. "She really captured Tina Fey," said one viewer, an undecided voter from Allegheny, Pa. "I'm thinking of voting for her."

During last night's debate, Palin answered questions on topics ranging from the bailout of the domestic economy and U.S. military intervention overseas by repeatedly saying "Energy!" and "Mav-rick, dontcha know!" and winking at the camera.

Some viewers were not impressed by Palin's performance, however. "She didn't seem to really be answering the questions," said Floyd McGilla of Spitzen, Montana. "I think she need some of Tina fey's writers."

The White House, House Democrats, and recalcitrant Republicans searched vainly this weekend for a meme to replace voodoo economics, the Ronald Reagan policy which has ravaged the American economy, bringing on the greatest economic crisis since the Great Depression. Democrats and the Treasury Department, along with reluctant rank-and-file Republicans, settled on a plan hastily sketched out on a cocktail party napkin (pdf) at 3:00 a.m. Saturday night as an adequate substitute.

"We did it with virtually no thought," said Secretary Paulson and Barney Frank, who said that reaching an agreement was more important than vetting the plan upon which everyone was agreeing. "We have to restore confidence in the markets," they said.

John McCain parachuted into the talks on Thursday, where he sat, unable to free himself from his canopy, as GOP Republicans floated a new plan.

"Initially, we were intent on switching from voodoo to witch doctor economics," said House Minority Leader John Boehner, explaining the thinking of some Republicans. "But some thought that too similar an economic philosophy."

Another Republican explained GOP reticence to sign onto a bailout plan. "We're really uncomfortable with giving away taxpayer money unless it's to prescription drug companies or the oil industry," said Rep. Wayne Tasso.

"The fact is, this shows that 'voodoo economics' is a disaster, just like I said," said George H.W. Bush, who coined the phrase to describe Reagonomics, economics based on Reagan's belief that giving everything to the rich would fill the coffers of the poor. "I knew Reagonomics was bad in 1978, but it took my son to prove how much it really sucks."

You know how they say a picture's worth a thousand words? Larry Ray has the details.

President Bush compounded widespread concern about a domestic economy on the verge of collapse today when he announced that FEMA would coordinate the 700 billion dollar bailout of Wall Street.

"We have our best people on it," Bush insisted, causing the market to slide two thousand points late this morning. Bush and his staff expressed surprise that Adminstration assurances have done little to buoy confidence in the economy. "None of the folks in charge of the bailout ever worked with horses or anything," said a perplexed White House staffer.

Circumstances on Wall Street remained dire today. Thousands of traders and bankers have been without money, gold ingots, or economic power for almost a week now, and conditions in hastily constructed "trailer banks" have been horrible. "There are hardly any bathroom attendants here at all," complained one temporary resident, Preston Brunswick III, a complex derivatives trader who "barely cleared a million" last year.

Compounding the crisis, trucks full of relief money have been mysteriously stalled in Alabama, and FEMA officials were at a loss to explain why it was so hard to get the "Benjamins" to New York, where they are so desperately needed.

"We need that money now! We're barely able to expense out our lunches," exclaimed worried A.I.G. executive Gwen Driscoll. Driscoll fretted that her corporate American Express Platinum card was "being strained to the breaking point."

Meanwhile, Republicans warned that the allegedly Democratic-controlled Congress would take too much time debating a relief bill. "We need a lack of oversight, and we need it now," said Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson. "Before anyone has a chance to think about it."

John McCain's campaign vigorously denied accusations that it had not thoroughly vetted McCain's vice presidential pick, Governor Sarah Palin, saying she had been vetted and "raked over the coals" by a trusted campaign advisor. That advisor was Lynn Spears -- Jamie and Britney Spears' mother. "Spears gave Palin two pacifiers up," a spokesman for the McCain campaign said today.

Spears was selected to vet Palin because she is an authority on mothering, and the author of numerous books on the subject, including "Through The Storm -- How To Raise Good Christian Girls." She is also an authority on raising good Christian grandchildren "as quickly as possible," says Dr. Ian Fesslhoff, an expert on parenting experts.

Spears confirmed that she okayed Palin for the Veep spot on the McCain ticket. "I especially approved of Palin's strong religious and moral stances on abortion and abstinence-only policies toward sex education," she said. As a mom, she also felt the timing of Palin's placement on the ticket was key: "There's no better time to run for office than when you have a five-month-old with special needs and a teenage daughter with baby number two on the way."

In a campaign appearance late today, Senator McCain declined to comment on the recent revelation that Palin's 17-year-old daughter, Bristol, is five months' pregnant, or the rumor that Gov. Palin's infant son is really also Bristol's child, except to say that he "looks forward to presiding over a nation of young people."

"Young people caring for much younger people," noted Dr. Fesslhoff.

I, like many other Americans, I suppose, just got the text.

Barack has chosen Senator Joseph Biden to be our VP nominee. Watch the first Obama-Biden rally live at 3pm ET on www.BarackObama.com Spread the word!

I was in bed, when I heard the familiar trill of my iPhone announcing the arrival of a text message. It actually woke me up. I was a little angry. Who the hell is texting me at 3:30 in the morning? I get up, which wakes up my wife. What the hell is going on? It's Barack Obama, I tell her. Go back to sleep.

We both like the pick. Say what you want about the choice, it's certainly going to be interesting.

A satiric drawing meant to make fun of all the things that scare poorly informed, rabidly ignorant Americans about Barack Obama has terrified Barack Obama's campaign team, who are concerned that it will scare poorly informed, rabidly ignorant Americans about Barack Obama.

"This drawing, " said a campaign staffer, "will scare people who are already good and god damned scared of Obama." She said that she and the Obama campaign were "frightened to death" of the "awful, frightful picture."

The drawing appeared on the cover of the latest New Yorker magazine. The drawing depicts Obama wearing a Moslem outfit in front of a picture of Osama bin Laden hanging in Obama's living room, bumping fists with his terrorist wife, who is wearing a bandolier and bearing an assault rifle, as they burn the American flag in the fireplace. "This is so funny. This is a funny, funny, funny picture," said New Yorker editor David Remnick. He pointed to the burning American flag and said, "Ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha."

The image also scared the bejesus out of ignorant, uninformed Americans everywhere. Dale Flyspeck of Molasses, Missouri said that he was glad the New Yorker had produced evidence that backed up rumors he has been spreading for months about Barack Obama. "I can't believe they got that photo of Obama yackin' it up in his secret terrorist enclave," he said. "I hope the guy who took the photo got out alive."

Professor Darren Costigyan, an expert on fear, contacted Opinions You Should Have and objected to the term "ignorant Americans."

"They're not ignorant Americans," said Costigyan, "They're your run-of-the-mill, everyday consumers of the Associated Press and American cable TV news."