August 1, 2011
Debt Ceiling Battle to be Followed by Showdown Over Ugly Debt Wallpaper, Drab Debt Carpeting
A frightened nation held its breath today over final negotiations to replaster the debt ceiling even as GOP negotiators threatened even tougher stances on replacing the ugly debt wallpaper and debt carpeting.
"Mark my words, we will not be replacing the debt carpeting unless we get a balanced budget amendment and a lifetime supply of twinkies and beer for every member of the Republican Party," Speaker John Boehner told reporters today.
Democrats practically wept over Boehner's threat, saying they were already exhausted with the effort of caving in on the debt ceiling. "Some people may not understand, but capitulating to every demand of the Republican Party is very effortful," said Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid. Reid was going to say "taxing," but reconsidered under pressure from GOP leaders.
"I'm just happy they were able to come to an agreement over the ceiling," said April Pishter, a housewife from Debuque, Arkansas. She was untroubled by the terms of the agreement, so long as long as the ceiling remained intact. "It's just so important to have a roof, a ceiling, anything hanging over our heads."