January 9, 2017
Trump Worried Events Casting Doubt on Legitimacy of Election Will Cast Doubt on Legitimacy of Election
Sources close to Donald Trump revealed that the President-elect is concerned that news of Russian hacking and Russia's campaign to manipulate the result of the election may lead people to the conclusion that Russia manipulated the result of the election.
Trump is also worried that claims of considerable voter suppression, combined with Russia's efforts have cast a cloud over the legitimacy of an election whose result depended on a mere 80,000 votes spread across three states.
"Russia didn't elect me," Trump reportedly said, "Because Russians aren't allowed to vote here, am I right?"
"I can tell you right now that the massive campaign by Russia to make sure that Mr. Trump was elected didn't work," said Kellyanne Conway. "We don't even know the Russians wanted Mr. Trump to be elected."
She told reporters that she had it on good authority that Putin really wanted Hillary Clinton to be elected because he "likes a challenge." She added that the reported celebrations by Putin and his comrades after Trump's election were designed to "hide their immense disappointment."
Trump's own investigation of the election showed no hanky panky had occurred. "I spoke with Julian Assange and Putin myself and they absolutely assured me that they had nothing to do with it," Trump said after several phone calls, "and Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell swore me that all of the voter suppression that occurred was purely coincidental."
Trump then left reporters because, according to spokespeople, he had to be fitted for his crown.
Posted by Tom Burka at 1:19 PM
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