December 18, 2011
The Iraq War -- An Opinions You Should Have Timeline
This blog was born of the Iraq War and its sun-up, and it occurred to me that its early posts are an informative reminder of the war's advent and development.
March 13, 2003
March 14, 2003
March 19, 2003
Bush launches invasion of Iraq.
March 25, 2003
April 7, 2003
April 8, 2003
April 12, 2003
April 22, 2003
April 29, 2003
April 29, 2003 (later that day)
Iraqis Celebrate End of Hussein Reign; U.S. Soldiers Shoot Them.
April 30, 2003
May 2, 2003
(Bush Takes Opportunity to Wear Largest-Ever Presidential Codpiece.)
May 12, 2003
May 13, 2003
June 11, 2003
CIA drawing of trailer interior.
CIA photograph of trailer exterior.
July 23, 2003
October 8, 2003
October 15, 2003
October 26, 2003
October 28, 2003
November 2, 2003
November 30, 2003
December 14, 2003
December 22, 2003
February 18, 2004
February 22, 2004
March 8, 2004
April 18, 2004
April 23, 2004
April 27, 2004
May 3, 2004
May 4, 2004
May 17, 2004
May 26, 2004
May 31, 2004
June 2, 2004
June 17, 2004
June 22, 2004
July 9, 2004
September 21, 2004
December 21, 2004
January 21, 2005
January 31, 2005
March 1, 2005
May 17, 2005
June 29, 2005
August 15, 2005
August 8, 2006
December 13, 2006
January 10, 2007
September 23, 2007
December 18, 2011
Iraq War ends.
January 19, 2009
The Bush Years, Part Two: Bush and the Iraq War
The history of the Iraq War in headlines:
Bush Plan To Invade Iraq, Syria, Iran, and North Korea "Totally Different" Than Neocon Plan to Invade Iraq, Syria, Iran, and North Korea
Bush makes Last Ditch Attempt to Avoid Diplomatic Solution
U.S. Marines Discover Hidden Trove of Extra Hussein Sons
Marines Encounter More Than Just Pockets of Resistance in Baghdad, Try to Fend Off Complete Pants
Deck of Cards Mixup Leads to Accidental Killing of Actual King of Hearts
Iraqis Celebrate; U.S. Soldiers Shoot Them
Iraqis Protest Shooting of Iraqis by U.S. Soldiers; U.S. Soldiers Shoot Them
U.S. Forces Stop Shooting Iraqis; Offer Them $40 Instead
Paul Bremer Takes Over; U.S.-Iraq Administrator Jay Garner Demoted to Shoulder Rest For Reporters At Press Conferences
Claimed Iraqi Bioweapons Trailers Revealed To be Winnebagos
Indiana Husband Claims Wife Has WMD, Wants Regime Change and $100 Billion For Rebuilding
Cheney Makes Surprise Thanksgiving Visit To Undisclosed Location
White House Afraid That Fact That White House Authorized Torture Causing Growing Perception That White House Authorized Torture
Stupid Senseless Deaths Inevitable Part of Stupid, Senseless War, Says Rumsfeld
And naturally, the most recent development:
Bush To Invade Iraq Again
Last night, in an address to the nation, President Bush explained that he would have to "invade Iraq again," because "it's an awful mess over there." He said he was "not sure who was in charge" in Iraq, but that it had again become the "nexus of the axis of evil."
Posted by Tom Burka at 2:25 PM
Year in Review
January 18, 2009
The Bush Years, Part One: Bush and the Weather
June, 2004. The OYSH headline that captures the entire Bush Presidency:
Bush Says Umbrella Working "Just Fine"
President Bush said that his present umbrella was "working perfectly" and rejected calls for a new one.
And in August, 2004, during the 2004 election cycle, when Bush beat us like a drum with his "everything I'm doing I'm doing for the sake of national security" lie, telling us Kerry was soft on terrorism, a particularly prescient OYSH story, just one year before Katrina:
Bush Says Kerry Soft On Weather
Electing Kerry Is Just What Terrible Weather Wants, Says GOP -- Bush announced plans to invade Cuba and Jamaica in what he called a "preemptive strike" against future Category 4 hurricanes. . . .
The truth was the terrible weather wanted Bush to be President all along.
January 1, 2007
2006 - The Year in Revue
In many ways, it was a far, far better year than we could have hoped for. But it was a very crazy year.
This is where the Democrats were at the beginning of the year: a Supreme Court ruling removed the only barriers that had prevented the Democrats from complete self-immolation.
In February, a U.S. ban on animal-human hybrids had the unintended consequence of making chickenhawks illegal, decimating the White House and much of the Republican leadership.
In frustration, Vice President Cheney shot a friend in the face, and it was discovered that he had previously run a friend through with a hunting knife.
Subsequently, Dubai was chosen to run the American government in the absence of any actual American leadership.
In March, as part of a rash of legislative approaches to stopping Republican governmental crime, the Senate retroactively legalized the Watergate break-in. Then, to celebrate the third anniversary of the invasion of Iraq, Dick Cheney dropped an enormous cake on Iraq, destroying a power plant and two schools.
In April, amidst rumors that Scott McClellan was about to implode, I made a pitch to become the next great White House Press Secretary.
In May, to address the immigration crisis, the National Guard was forced to hire illegal immigrants to patrol the Mexican border.
June was a busy month. The U.S. refused to pay dues to the World Cup organization, the Supreme Court eviscerated the knock-knock joke, and the White House executed the New York Times.
Up-is-down-ism reached its peak (or its bottom) when Republicans claimed that eliminating taxes would fix the deficit.
In August, Americans begged Bush to take a longer vacation, but Bush came back early to promise to keep promising to fix New Orleans.
Bush then immediately spent weeks in intricate negotiations over the details of a law that he never intended to follow.
The first hint of good news in the year came when Bill Scher of Liberal Oasis showed us how to win the war of ideas and return the Democratic party to greatness.
In October, the Republican leadership was "shocked, shocked" to discover that Mark Foley had a little problem.
In November, the Democrats actually won control of Congress.
But it wasn't all good news. A prominent male hooker was forced to step down after he was discovered having sex with a sleazy evangelical leader. Because of this, Donald Rumsfeld resigned.
In December, outgoing Majority Leader and doctor Bill Frist attempted to declare a Democratic Senator dead in an effort to hold on to his position.
And millions wept as James Brown lay in state at the Capitol.
Happy New Year from all of us at Opinions You Should Have!
Posted by Tom Burka at 6:03 PM
Year in Review
January 1, 2006
2005: The Year in Review
Another great year. As readers may recall, this time last year I wished that 2005 would be nothing like 2004. I apparently neglected to explain that I was hoping for something better; I will not make that mistake again. Here's hoping 2006 will be a better year. Herewith, the highlights (so to speak) of 2005:
January - Bush was inaugurated. After four years in the Office of Presidency, he was finally elected to that position. Bush's first budget quickly sailed up to top the chart of New York Times Best Selling Fiction.
Donald Rumsfeld was sent to give solace to the tsunami victims.
A report found that Dan Rather was the only television media flack not on the U.S. Government payroll.
In late January, Google started indexing brains. They started with Bill Gates.
Iraq took its first step toward what, here in America, we call a "democracy."
February - Zoloft and Paxil were replaced by the "W" pill.
March - After the GOP-controlled congress went into special session to pass a special law just for Terry Shiavo, the other 293 million Americans asked to get their own laws.
The GOP, tired of "half-measures", passed a law giving everyone's money directly to the rich.
April - The Pentagon took over the food pyramid.
May - After Newsweek retracted their apparently entirely accurate story on "Koran flushing", Bush tried to retract the entirely awful Iraq war, which, it had become increasingly evident, was also in the toilet.
June - The GOP declared Paul Revere to be a despicable tattletale.
Senator Bill Frist offered to make medical diagnoses by mail.
Noting that the U.S. Army was already in place, President Bush decried the dreadfully dangerous state of things in a particular country and therefore urged us to invade Iraq again.
July - Amid signs that Special Counsel Patrick Fitzgerald's investigation was heating up, the White House refused to confirm ever knowing a "Karl Rove".
August - President Bush, considering a Federally mandated school science curriculum, decided that things fall "because God wants them to."
Busdh extended his vacation in Texas to clear "especially pernicious" brush.
September - God heard Bush declare John Kerry to be "soft on weather" (in 2004), and ordered Katrina.
Bush later said that he would have rescued poor people if he had known they existed.
Bush was shocked at his response to hurricane Katrina and vowed to find out where he was and what he was doing.
October - Bush nominated an actual blank slate to the Supreme Court and, concerned about torture, sought limits on interrogation -- of members of the White House.
November - Ahmed Chalabi was appointed chief instructor of the new White House School of Ethics.
God (who had a busy year) smacked Pat Robertson.
December - In a story yet to be written (let's just say, "DEVELOPING"), President Bush announced that he had authorized the use of constant, innumerable and entirely illegal wiretaps in order to stop terrorist schemes such as a plan to use 100,000 tiny but extremely powerful magnets to move the earth off of its axis.
So, I ask you, 2006: what took you so long?
Truly wishing all a very Happy (and better) New Year!
December 31, 2004
What A Year. (Let's Hope The Next Is Nothing Like It.)
A Very Special Opinions You Should Have Report
The management looks back on the past year and, after having downed a couple of shots just to keep looking back on it, recollects the highlights. (And these were the highlights . . .)
January - President Bush started off the year with yet another rousing State of the Union address, followed by his announcement of a really fine jobs program.
February - Tony Blair and George W. Bush were nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize.
Paul Bremer announced that a wardrobe malfunction was delaying Iraq's election.
President Bush helpfully suggested that his testimony before the 9/11 Commission take the form of a children's parlor game.
March - President Bush called to congratulate himself on winning the GOP nomination.
Judge Scalia discovered that the nation was in deeper trouble than he imagined, and Condi Rice refused to testify before the 9/11 Commisssion under oath. She had a good excuse.
And Pakistani forces were reported to be closing in on -- Elvis.
April - The White House announced it would build a $100 billion shield against Richard Clarke.
An angry Karen Hughes, attacking John Kerry, said that President Bush would have kept his war medals if he had earned any.
May - When the torture of prisoners at Abu Ghraib came to light, President Bush immediately found out who was responsible. An endless cycle of outrage threatened to swallow up Washington.
Tom Ridge raised the terrorist threat level from yellow to "yellower."
June - President Bush said his umbrella was "working just fine."
America and its media took some slight notice of Reagan's death.
In honor of the Vice President, the Senate revised its voting procedures.
July - The DNC just went wacky -- even before they nominated Kerry.
At the DNC, hope was delayed at a security kiosk. Kerry was nominated.
August - Due to a poor strategy adopted by White House pols, flip-floppers chose Kerry, recognizing him as one of their own.
Florida hurricanes prompted Bush to call Kerry soft on weather, a strategy that was to eventually win him the election.
President Bush appointed the judges of the Summer Olympics to oversee the U.S. election.
September - At the RNC, Rudy Giuliani reminded Americans that President Bush was the only choice to lose the war on terror, and Dick Cheney rallied the delegates as only he could.
October - After the second debate, a spin room tilted off axis, wounding twelve.
As the presidential election drew near, polls showed the race to be virtually tied at four Supreme Court Justices apiece.
November - On November 2, Bush won the election, and immediately claimed a mandate by a whole half of the nation.
While we're tempted to say that we blacked out entirely after November 2, reality quietly ticked on.
Bush announced that he would solve the problem of Social Security insolvency by making the country insolvent.
December - Bernard Kerik's nanny left to spend more time with her family, Donald Rumsfeld aimed to broaden the scope of the Pentagon's disinformation program beyond America's borders, and President Bush showed us all the true meaning of compassionate conservatism.
The whole marvelous year is presented in reverse order here.
Looking back, you have to ask yourself: Can the new year come too soon?
A Happy New Year from the staff at Opinions You Should Have!