January 10, 2007
Bush Unveils i-Iraq i-Policy i-Initiative
Feels Adding "i" To Beginning Of Every Word Will Make Ideas Look New And Vital
President Bush, wearing a black turtleneck and jeans, announced today what he called "an amazing new invention" that he said would "revolutionize the way we fight the Iraq war" and "make previous Iraq war policies look dumb." He called it "the i-Iraq", and said that he got the idea while surfing "the Google."
In a two-hour long slideshow, Bush outlined the features of the "iStrategy" which he frequently praised as "absolutely innovatical," and "amazing." The new strategy device would come with a patented "LMS" key, for a "last-minute surge" to overwhelm all opposition, as well as a function that will produce troops from virtually nowhere, create something from nothing, and replace any civil war with a fully functioning peaceful representative democracy.
The iStrategy also has long lasting batteries, automatic and periodic face-saving, reality muting, and a small switch on the side that turns off the advice of top-ranking military experts.
The device will operate with "unilateral gesturing," which the President has also patented.
The unveiling of the new device caused an audience of yes-men to applaud spontaneously no less than sixty-two times.
Reporters asked Steve Jobs if Bush was trying to steal his ideas for Apple's new iPhone, but Jobs dismissed the comparison.
"They're totally different," Jobs said. "Our phone works."
Posted by Tom Burka at 5:03 PM