December 16, 2003
Constant Medical Exams Of Saddam Turn Up Missing WMD

Enough Toxin In Tonsils To Infect Many Other Tonsils, Experts Say

Doctors who had examined Saddam Hussein over 647 times in the 24 hours following his arrest say they have found all of the missing WMD on Saddam Hussein's person.

"Now we know why his beard was so big and bushy," said one doctor.

Saddam's throat contained two fake tonsils that contained deadly biochemical toxins. "There was enough toxin in one of those fake tonsils to infect all of the tonsils in several major American cities," said Claire Daloon, of the Mississippi BioTech Center.

"People thought we were spending an inordinate amount of time inspecting Saddam, but it all paid off," said General Major Kirk Binomial of the 3rd Expeditionary Force.

Saddam's enormous bushy beard contained several mobile bioweapons labs, twelve Scud missiles, some African yellowcake enclosed in a lead capsule, and a dachshund named Mordecai, who had disappeared in early March.

"Not only is America a lot safer now," Binomial said, "but Mordecai and his owner have been happily reunited."

President Bush declared the discovery of the WMDs "exactly what he had expected all long."

"That's the problem with missing WMDs," scoffed Bush. "They're always in the last place you look for them."

Posted by Tom Burka at 12:10 PM in News