Jeb Bush, Hillary Clinton, Rand Paul and Marco Rubio were told today that they had mistakenly initiated their campaigns a year early.

"What, it's 2015? Oh, crap," said Paul. All four of the candidates agreed to withdraw to avoid torturing the American people with "months of mindless posturing."

"There's nothing we can say now that we won't be able to say thousands of times in 2016," said Clinton. "There's plenty of time."

Ted Cruz was the only candidate who did not withdraw his candidacy, saying that he did not believe time exists as scientists describe it.