Bush Seeks New War To Save U.S. Soldiers' Lives

On May 1, 2003, President George W. Bush stood on the deck of the aircraft carrier U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln and announced the end of the war in Iraq. However, the ensuing peace has not been kind.

More soldiers have died since the war's end than died during the war -- at least 139 deaths since May 1, as compared to the 138 that occurred during the war -- and scores more have been injured. Accordingly, the White House today announced it was searching for a war to start "in order to immediately ameliorate the growing danger to our young servicemen and women overseas."

Iran is a possibility, and Syria could also be a target. White House officials said that where the next war takes place is irrelevant. "The important thing is not to spend a lot of time deliberating about who to attack, but to attack as soon as possible, so we can get this deadly peace behind us," said Donald Rumsfeld.

"It's not a guerilla war that's killing us," Rumsfeld explained. "It's guerilla peace."

"The fact that the majority of these deaths come from non-combat related instances, simply shows how dangerous peace can be," Rumsfeld added.

Karl Rove dismissed suggestions that war was safer for President Bush's relelection campaign than peace. "That's simply absurd,' he said, as he watched President Bush happily playing a round of golf at his ranch.

Originally published, in modified form, on July 4, 2003.