July 10, 2003
Fleischer Taunts Reporters With Verbal Prestidigitation; Tries to Make Issue Disappear
"I think the burden is on those people who think [Hussein] didn't have weapons of mass destruction to tell the world where they are."
- Ari Fleischer, July 9, 2003
"And while they're at it," added Fleischer, "It would nice if they could come up with some oil."
Fleischer also suggested that from now on, in a criminal trial, any defendant claiming his innocence should show this by proving his or her own guilt.
Fleischer also insisted that "these people" explain how magician David Copperfield made the Statue of Liberty disappear.
"And another thing," said Fleischer, building up steam, "those people -- those people -- should tell us where Jimmy Hoffa is buried, they're so smart."
Fleischer then asked a reporter to give him a watch -- "any watch." He then placed Helen Thomas's watch in a handkerchief, hit the handkerchief repeatedly with a hammer, and then opened up the handkerchief to reveal -- Condoleeza Rice, who jumped out of Fleischer's palm and declared, "See? You can't turn back the clock. To say otherwise is revisionist history."
Ms. Thomas's watch was never recovered.
The next day, Senator Robert Byrd questioned Donald Rumsfeld during his testimony before the Armed Services Committee.
"What I'd really like to know, said the Senator," is why "those people" had better intelligence than we did."
Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld ducks, weaves, and prepares to throw a hard left during his recent appearance before Congress.
Posted by Tom Burka at 11:32 AM