July 17, 2003
Economists Announce Recession Was Over in 2001; Record Numbers Of Unemployed Celebrate

As economists announced that the recession ended almost two years ago, vast numbers of unemployed people all over America celebrated.

"I'm going to open up that can of tuna I've been hording the past two months and really treat myself," said Anastasia Weaver of Michigan.

More unemployed workers celebrated the news than any group of unpaid revelers since World War II. "I'm gonna treat all of my friends to a tic tac" said John Vowel, who was jubilant. "I'm so glad the worst was over way back before I lost my job and had to sell my home and move into a biscuit tin. I had no idea things were so good."

Later that day, John added, "Well, I woulda bought tic tacs. But all the stores around here went out of business."

Posted by Tom Burka at 2:42 PM in News