July 16, 2003
White House Financing Government Operations With Credit Card Cash Advances

Over 49,000 Cards Found In Karl Rove's Desk

It was recently discovered that the White House has been financing government operations from cash advances on thousands of credit cards that it has applied for under the names of dead presidents. Millard Fillmore alone has over 360 credit cards issued in his name.

Abraham Lincoln is now known in the credit industry as a "heavy borrower."

"It is not yet known how the White House has established credit lines for so many dead people," said Isadora Mallomud of the Heightened Curiosity in Economic Affairs Institute.

Cards were discovered when a White House temp was sent into Karl Rove's office to look for a a list of wealthy G.O.P. donors. When she opened a vertical file drawer, thousands of cards poured onto the floor in a heap.

With the new national debt prediction sailing up to a conservatively estimated $455 billion dollars just this year, and $1.9 trillion over the next five, the White House needs to find about 910,000,000 more cards in order to keep the government running in the immediate future.

The White House has not yet formulated a plan for repaying the advances. Senior administration officials are considering soliciting voluntary contributions from citizens. "We'd simply be encouraging citizens to obtain cash advances on their credit cards and send them to us," said an unnamed official, Blubnik Mensch of the Office of Budget and Misdirection.

Posted by Tom Burka at 11:11 AM in News