A relieved Laura Bush today announced that she was a "free spirit, yearning to be free," and was "shacking up" with a French "gentleman of culture."

"I've had it with that baseball-loving yahoo," she said.

Laura Bush described her soon-to-be former husband as a "would-be jock" who "wears the same underwear for weeks at a time."

"People don't see it," she said.

She also said that she was weary of "all that God talk."

Every day Karl Rove would tell the President how many times to mention God. "It got real tired real fast," she said. "Thank God" -- she smiled -- "I don't have to listen to that horseshit anymore."

Laura Bush was planning to enroll in the Sorbonne, wear pants, smoke cigars, and spend her spare time going to the ballet, opera, and meditating in Notre Dame.