September 10, 2003
Coffee Stain On Road Map Mistakenly Led Middle East Leaders Over Edge Of Cliff

A coffee stain that was accidentally left on the road map for peace in the Middle East was mistaken for a crucial waypoint. Unfortunately, the coffee stain marked the edge of a cliff.

Condoleezza Rice parked her overfull coffee mug on the road map early in 2002, when it was sitting on the desk of Paul Wolfowitz. The stain was not noticed until recently, when then-Prime Minister Abbas drove the peace initiative off the cliff into an abyss, where it appears to be in ruins, completely out of the reach of any rescuer.

Wolfowitz denied that the road map had not been cared for properly. "We took every precaution to ensure the safety and security of the road map," said Wolfowitz. "It was a carefully crafted and meticulous plan."

White House staffer Hamilton Butt had a different story. "If only we had looked at it a little more closely, we would have seen the coffee stain. You could also see that Karl Rove had eaten an Italian sub with oil and vinegar over it."

Further inquiries have uncovered that the road map had been used to wax Donald Rumsfeld's car, as a handkerchief for Dick one day when he had an awful cold, to buff some of the silver in the White House dining room, and as a dropcloth for painting the Roosevelt room.

"Actually, you couldn't read much of anything on that map," admitted Butt. "I don't know how we could have given it to the Middle East in that state, or how it could have served as guidance for anyone."

Posted by Tom Burka at 9:09 AM in News