July 18, 2003
New Email Form At WhiteHouse.Gov Permits Only Fan Mail

Complainers Have Computers Confiscated, Crushed, Returned

A new email system at the White House prohibits emails to President@Whitehouse.gov and requires ordinary folks to go to www.whitehouse.gov/webmail and fill out a series of forms, including one indicating whether the writer "supports" the President's policies or "dissents." (Note: This applies only to ordinary people. Corporate CEOs have the President's direct line programmed directly into their cell phones.)

Dissenting emails are routinely tossed in the virtual garbage can, never to be seen again, while agreeing emailers receive autographed photos of George W. Bush giving a thumbs up over the caption "Bring it on!"

A random number of dissenting emailers are selected to have their computers seized, crushed, and returned to them with the note, "How'd you like to be detained indefinitely as a military combatant, buddy?"

Asked what the public reaction has been to the new email system, new White House press secretary Scott McClellan said, "We've gotten one hundred per cent positive feedback."

Posted by Tom Burka at 1:06 PM in News