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    May 28, 2003
    Bush Fund Raising Letter Asks For Cash, Offers Prizes

    President Bush has kicked off his campaign for reelection with an appeal for cash in his first fundraising letter to a million prospective cash wranglers. In the letter, President Bush said that the election "could be close," so he needs piles and piles of money; excess cash, if any, will be raked into excess piles that donors can jump into, a popular mid-November GOP sport.

    The letter set out to "incentivise" fundraisers by, among other things, awarding them fancy titles: Anyone who raises $50,000 will be called a "Pathfinder;" anyone who raises $100,000 will be called a "Man of Yale;" anyone who raises $200,000 will be called an "Industry Lobbyist;" anyone who raises $500,000 will be called a "Monopolist;" and anyone who raises more than $500,000 will be called "Kenneth Lay."

    Additionally, select photo sets and valuable items will be given to the most successful fundraisers, among these being:

    • Codpiece signed by President Bush in the Lincoln bedroom and worn by President Bush on the deck of the U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln;
    • Codpiece worn by President Bush in the Lincoln Bedroom and signed by Laura Bush on the deck of the U.S.S. Ronald Reagan;
    • An autographed picture of President Bush watching football on TV, holding a pretzel;
    • Autographed photo of young W. driving into a ditch in 1976; and
    • An autographed photo of President W. driving America into a ditch in 2003.

    Posted by Tom Burka at 10:11 AM in News