April 16, 2003
Lance Bass Offers To Strap Himself Into Warhead of U.S. Missile

Lance Bass, the frustrated N'Sync member whose dreams of rocketing into outer space in a Russian spaceship were crushed when he was apparently outbid by a Texas billionaire, has offered to pay one million dollars to be placed in the nose of a cruise missile and shot "wherever the U.S. needs to send it."

"This would be such a rush," said Bass, whose spiked hair and amiable grin have endeared him to millions. "Hugging the contours of hostile terrain at like 500 miles per hour would be awesome."

It was not explained how Bass intended to survive such an adventure, or whether he intended to be used as a "payload in the service of his country." U.S. officials declined to comment, but sources who wished to remain anonymous said the Pentagon was trying to evaluate the destructive force of a Lance Bass strike. Some speculated that the successful use of Mr. Bass could breathe "new life" into boy bands, "kind of."

Murray-Bunim-Muenster, producers of the reality shows "The Real World: Somalia" and "When Good Dictators Go Bad" were reportedly interested in developing Bass's exploits as a sitcom.

Posted by Tom Burka at 11:35 AM in News