December 9, 2016
Trump Names Martin Skreli to Head NIH

President-Elect Donald Trump named Martin Skreli to head the National Institutes of Health today, saying that it was time for the government-funded medical research to "become profitable again," stop "hemorrhaging money" and "earn its keep."

"We've just been pouring money into it and getting nothing back," said Trump. "Martin has a proven track record of being able to squeeze blood from a stone -- and sometimes patients," he quipped.

Skreli is the best man to safeguard this most precious of American medical institutions, senior Trump adviser Kelly Anne Conway told reporters. She pooh-poohed the idea that an experienced biomedical researcher or hospital administrator might be a better choice to head the NIH than a former hedge fund manager and businessman. "Would you want a dairy farmer managing a bunch of cows?" she asked. "That's why so many people have stopped eating dairy."

Skreli famously bought a pharmaceutical company and hiked the price of one of its most popular drugs from $13.50 a pill to $750. "The man is a genius," said Trump.

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