May 12, 2005
Bush Bicycle Rides Nation's Top Domestic Priority

Possible Terrorist Attacks Will Not Hinder Only Working Bush Administration Domestic Policy, Vow White House Officials

While some criticized the Administration for failing to inform the President of a red alert triggered by a small aircraft that flew perilously close to the White House yesterday, U.S. officials denied there was any error.

"We have shown these terrorist thugs that their threats cannot and will not deter the free leader of the world from pumping iron," said Donald Rumsfeld. "Or pedaling."

bicycle_sign.jpgSome criticized the Administration for not alerting the Commander in Chief of a red alert resulting in a widespread emergency evacuation, in what some feared was a possible terrorist attack. While Supreme Court Justices were hurriedly yanked into underground parking lots, and Dick Cheney was once again whisked away to a secure location, the President rode his bicycle down a leafy Maryland park path.

"We 're just pleased President Bush didn't fall down again," said a senior official, on the condition that he not be identified.

Scott McClellan confirmed that the President was not informed of the emergency facing the nation's capital, but was quick to point out that, at the time of the evacuation, the President had shifted into a higher gear. "I think it was fifth, or maybe even sixth," McClellan defiantly told reporters today.

While McClellan did confirm that the government was in a state of red alert during the President's "very soothing" bike ride, senior officials at the Department of Homeland Security considered revising threat protocols in light of yesterday's events.

"We're thinking of creating a level higher than red," said one official. "There would be 'red' and then, above that, 'Interrupt the President's bicycle ride.'"

Posted by Tom Burka at 10:30 PM in News