November 14, 2008
Missouri To Keep Electoral Votes, Will Remain White

Has Decided to Save Electoral Votes for 2012


The State of Missouri has decided to remain the sole white state among the fifty otherwise red or blue states that have pledged electoral votes towards candidates for the office of U.S. President after deciding to "bank" its electoral votes in advance of the next election.

"We're pretty frustrated with what we see as a lack of a voice in the outcome of these Presidential contests," said Missouri Secretary of State Hannah Clyland. "We figure that with 22 electoral votes in 2012, or 33 in 2016, we can put an end to this constant harping on Ohio, Pennsylvania and Florida."

Political analysts have been baffled since November 5, when, although 100% of Missouri's votes had been counted, Missouri failed to declare a winner in the race for President. "We were all, like, hey, what happened to Missouri?" said analyst Chuck Todd of MSNBC. Todd initially speculated in a television broadcast last Tuesday night that Missouri was remaining "white" in solidarity with Canada and Mexico.

Today the Missouri Secretary of State admitted that Missouri has decided not to award its electoral votes to either candidate this year, but would "save them up for the future."

"We're going to keep our electoral votes for the next Presidential contest," Secretary of State Clyland told reporters Thursday afternoon. She declared that not only was it prudent to do so, it was a good example to consumers in today's "spendthrift economy."

Posted by Tom Burka at 4:37 PM in NewsTop Stories