January 19, 2005
Inaugural Celebration To Take Up Four Years, 200 Billion Dollars

Bush Achieves Goal Of Having One Inaugural Ball For Every Campaign Contributor

The White House announced today that it had planned so many inauguration ceremonies, balls, and celebrations that the inauguration would likely take up to four years to complete, at a cost of over $200 billion dollars.

"We 're pleased to announce that every cent necessary has been raised privately from individuals who did very well with the tax cuts," said Scott McClellan. He also described the events as "significantly cheaper than the Iraq war."

The White House reacted quickly to suggestions by critics that the lavish festivities set the wrong tone for a nation embroiled in an expensive war that has claimed thousands of American lives. Officials noted that the celebration would be tempered with many solemn tributes to the troops, and only one peppy tribute to the exercise of unchecked power.

Indeed, banners hung atop inauguration ballrooms proclaimed the event to be "A Somber Celebration of War," although an angry Dick Cheney was reported to have said, "Damn it. It was supposed to say 'cerebration.'"

There is to be much quiet meditation on the war as attendees drink champagne, eat caviar, and do the Texas two-step to the sounds of America's greatest Republican musicians.

"I don't know what we're supposed to be so somber about," said invitee Bucky Trollop, CEO. "I thought the Iraq war was supposed to be this big old success."

Posted by Tom Burka at 10:04 AM in News