January 18, 2005
Bush Used Unique Military Weapon To Win Election
"Voting Aphrodisiac" Brought Male Voters Into Bush's "Column," So To Speak
The idea of fostering homosexuality among the enemy figured in a declassified six-year, $7.5 million request from a laboratory at Wright Patterson Air Force Base in Ohio for funding of non-lethal chemical weapon research.President Bush used a unique chemical weapon originally developed for U.S. military use to literally woo and seduce male voters in the presidential election, government documents show.
The weapon, which was originally developed to induce enemy soldiers to drop their weapons and pick up the soldiers to their immediate left, was adapted for domestic use at a cost of "like, a gazillion dollars," said a Pentagon spokesperson.
The weapon was secretly sprayed on male swing voters to induce them to become deeply enamored of President Bush. The weapon's only side effect is that it causes a deep craving for showtunes, "which is good for the economy," said White House liason Paul Schneckner.
Brian McFadden was exposed to the weapon a week before the election. "That was when I decided the Iraq war was really virile," said Mcfadden. "I had been on the fence about our foreign policy, but it was then that I realized that the President is a truly appealing leader. And kind of buff."
Other men exposed to the drug described the President as "really fierce" after exposure.
"This secret weapon -- which was developed and used at great expense to the American taxpayer -- was used to hoodwink American voters" said Terry McAuliffe, DNC chairman. "But you have to admit that President Bush is really handsome. Has anyone seen my Judy Garland CD?"
Posted by Tom Burka at 7:57 AM