September 18, 2006
The Torturer's Thesaurus

Alternatives to "Alternate Interrogation"

Constructive euphemisms for torture that our President overlooked in his recent speech on the subject:

Ultimate Interrogation

Desperately Curious Questioning

Seriously Persistent Inquiry

Absurdly Thorough Answer-Seeking

Interior Cranial Inspection

Physically Deep and Penetrating Philosophical Investigation

Militarily-Aided Meditation on the Nature of the Self.

Update: Possible Compromises on the President's Torture bill:

We'll only torture people some of the time.

Subject gets to listen to song of his choosing every three waterboarding sessions.

Subject gets a coupon with every false confession.

Subject gets to keep his fingernails. In a plastic jar.

Posted by Tom Burka at 10:53 AM in News