February 27, 2006
Dubai to Run United States

The White House has struck a deal to let a corporation owned by the Emir of Dubai operate the United States, anonymous sources revealed today. The deal was struck and vetted after U.S. government officials determined that Dubai would do "a much better job than we're doing."

President Bush did not learn of the plan until yesterday, but ardently criticized opposition to it. He denied that turning over the handling of the U.S. to Dubai would harm America's security. "A knowledge of Arabic and a thorough familiarity with Islam is essential in a post-911 world," said Bush. Other factors that contributed to the coming handover of U.S. oversight to Dubai included its proximity to Iraq, access to large reserves of oil, and familiarity with camels.

Bush said that opposition to the Dubai deal was decidedly racist and anti-Arab. "When I turned over the running of entire wings of the government to American corporations, not a soul complained," he pointed out.

Members of Congress were outraged by the deal, and threatened to put a stop to it altogether. Senators and Congressman on both sides of the aisle brandished legislation banning the deal, swore loudly, and held hearings, after which they completely backed down. Congress was last seen having dinner with several prominent and wealthy members of the Dubai government.

Al-Kalhettyi del Farignio, a spokesman for Dubai, said, "We are very excited about running America. Before we agreed to the deal we inspected America's books, and we can see that, although the country is losing money, operating the U.S. is extremely profitable."

With a hat tip and thanks to Seth Lieberman.

Posted by Tom Burka at 8:16 AM in News