January 28, 2005
Google To Start Indexing Brains

Plan To Take Over World Well Underway

Google announced today that, as part of its plan for world domination, it will include people's thoughts in search engines results starting on Monday.

The move is designed to further increase Google's hold on "everything anybody knows," and accelerate Google's drive to "hold sway over all puny earthlings," according to Google executive Maurice Finster, who laughed diabolically.

Google's plans include becoming the world's first corporate nation-state, literally ruling the world and "making Microsoft our complete bitch," Finster confided.

Starting next week, Google will enable users to find gossip, details of secret affairs, who's sleeping with whom, and how many people pick their noses while driving.

Finster declined to reveal precisely how Google was going to index brains, but mentioned that they involve "harvesting organs."

Posted by Tom Burka at 8:04 AM in News