October 28, 2003
Bush Upbeat On Terrorist Attacks; Al Qaeda Surprisingly Positive As Well

President Bush, who has recently contracted to write the next edition of The Power of Positive Thinking with the late Norman Vincent Peale, sees the glass as half-full when talking of the recent spate of increasingly sophisticated terrorist attacks in .

"In every mushroom cloud, there's a silver lining," Bush said.
Bush intends to include handy aphorisms to guide you to happiness, such as:"One good burn deserves another" and "The early Kurd gets the berm."

Key chapters will tell Americans:

  • How to eliminate that most devastating handicap -- self immolation;
  • How to free yourself from worry, stress, resentment, and approaching Stinger missiles;
  • How to climb above problems, and over bodies, to visualize solutions and then attain them;
  • Simple prayerful exercises that you can do every day, throughout the day, to reinforce your new-found habit of happiness.

Bush intends to publish a tome on "Self-hypnosis For Success" in the near future.

Suprisingly, Osama bin Laden, when reached at an undisclosed location, approved of Bush's approach. While sipping a cool, refreshing beverage, he intoned, "I don't think of a death as just one suicide -- I think of it as 35 dead unbelievers. You have to make lemons from lemonade."

Posted by Tom Burka at 1:09 PM in News