March 19, 2014
NJ Port Authority Chief Admits He Diverted Malaysian Plane

During tense questioning by investigators into the closure of lanes on the George Washington Bridge, the Chief of the New Jersey Port Authority, David Samson, suddenly blurted out that he had diverted the missing Malaysian plane. "Oops," he said.

He said that he and his "minions" had diverted the plane as an experiment to see whether the technique he and his team used could be applied to planes carrying New Jersey officials who failed to back Christie during his 2013 re-election campaign.

He declined to describe the technique that he and his group of "henchmen" used, saying that he was applying for a patent on it.

Samson refused to elaborate on the location of the missing plane "on the advice of my attorneys," he said.

Posted by Tom Burka at 4:48 PM in | TrackBack (0)

March 17, 2014
Malaysia Misplaces Search and Rescue Teams

The Malaysian government today revealed that it was not sure where its search and rescue teams were and that they and lost radio contact with them entirely. "We are not really sure where we sent them," said Idris Jala, a Malaysian government official.

Jala admitted that they had given the search and rescue teams so many conflicting accounts of where the missing Malaysian plane was last seen or was expected to be, that the government itself had lost track of all of the locations. "They could be anywhere, really," said Jala.

Search and rescue teams are now searching for the missing search and rescue teams. To prevent the government from losing the new search and rescue teams, they have been equipped with the same flags on long sticks that Malaysian tour guides use to assist tourists in find them in crowded museums.

"Those always work," Minister of Tourism Ng Yen Yen stated. "We haven't lost a tour group in weeks."

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March 8, 2014
What are you giving up for Lent? I'm giving up hoping. . .

I'm giving up hoping that the Democratic Party grows a spine.

Posted by Tom Burka at 9:01 AM in | TrackBack (0)

March 6, 2014
Obama to Delay Affordable Care Act Until Cancer Cured and Pigs Fly

President Barack Obama issued an executive order today delaying the implementation of the Affordable health Care Act indefinitely, saying he wanted to delay its implementation long enough to give voters a chance to forget that it ever existed.

"There have been some headaches in implementing the Act," said Obama, "and we want people to be able to get treatment for those headaches under the insurance plans they have now." Obama urged those without insurance to go to their local hospital emergency rooms.

While often hailed as the signature achievement of his administration, critics have claimed that the Act puts onerous requirements on small businesses, large businesses, multinational corporations and "other people," as Senator Mitch McConnell put it.

More to come....

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