Through a tax code trick called "further loss depreciation" Donald Trump will be deducting the nation's debt from his personal taxes, enabling him to avoid paying taxes for the rest of his life. Trump explained, "I will be once again taking advantage of one of the loopholes that Hillary Clinton wrote into the law and refused to fix. But I'm not complaining!" he laughed. Even better, Trump noted, he could share that deduction with his children through a tax maneuver accountants call "outright fraud."

"It's only fair that President Trump should both be able to benefit from any losses he generates for the nation," said Kellyanne Conway.

"America is going to be so, so great," the President-Elect said, looking through a satchel filled with crisply rubberbanded stacks of cash. "So great. Absolutely winning."