The Republican-led House today ordered an inquiry into the House Intelligence Committee's failure to issue a report critical of the White House's handling of the 2012 attacks in Benghazi, Libya. Last Friday, the Committee issued a report concluding that the Obama Administration had not misled the public or done a single thing wrong in handling the attacks, contrary to allegations by Republican leaders, congressmen, senators, pundits, plumbers, taxi drivers and -- actually, every Republican in the world. The report was based upon hearings and investigations conducted over the past two years.

House Speaker John Boehner called the report an obvious product of a criminal conspiracy by the White House and immediately announced that the House Intelligence Committee would vigorously investigate the report to uncover "whoever these bozos are who wrote it."

Senator Mitch McConnell also criticized the report, blaming undocumented immigrants.

RNC Chairman Reince Priebus promised Election Night that the new GOP-controlled congress will "turn the economy around," meaning, presumably, that they intend to run it entirely into the ground once again.

"We need to emulate the success of the Bush Administration," said Priebus, who said that Republicans were exploring possible options to take the economy back down into the gutter.

Prebus revealed that Mitch McConnelll was already in talks with Goldman Sachs about how to help them reverse the direction of economic development.

"AIG and other prominent financial players, as we speak, are creating complicated but ultimately worthless financial products that will be enormously profitable while ultimately leading to the downfall of modern society as we know it," Priebus bragged.

"Yes, yes, unemployment is now the lowest its been since 2008, and there are more jobs available today than at any time since 2001," Priebus acknowledged, "But you have to ask yourself, does that really put food on the tables of the One Percent?"