Perry Team Thrilled: Candidate Usually Unable to Name Even One Federal Agency
The Perry debate team was thrilled last night that Governor Rick Perry was actually able to name two of the three agencies he would immediately eliminate if elected President, noting that the Texas governor rarely was able to name even one.
Melanie Sprim, a Perry debate strategist, could barely contain her glee. "Wow," she said, "He really nailed it! What a performance!" She explained. "When the moderator asked the governor to name three agencies, we were sweating bullets. Well, you can imagine our relief!"
During last night's debate, Perry said he would eliminate three agencies: Education and Commerce. He could not remember the name of the third, even after being given half an hour to think about it. In frustration, moderators momentarily considered allowing Perry to google the result.
Governor Perry later explained that he had already eliminated the Department of Energy from his mind, so he was unable to recall that it still existed.
Greek Leader to Prop Up Economy with Very Large Stick
After withdrawing his proposal for a referendum on the debt deal to save the Greek economy, Prime Minister George Popandreou has proposed instead propping up the economy with a very large stick.
"I understand that it would have to be immensely large," Popandreou said, "hundreds of kilometers long and very sturdy." Popandreou said that simply constructing the stick would create thousands of jobs and flood money into the economy.
"Unfortunately, building the stick would require massive infusions of capital," a member of the Greek government said, "and so once again, we are asking for a loan from the E.U."
The European Union was leary of the plan, because of concerns that the stick would really have to be large enough to bear the weight of the entire European economy, which threatens to collapse if the Greek economy falls. "This European Union thing was really smart," said E.U. official Francois Arczek. "Like John Kerry windsurfing or Michael Dukakis driving a tank."