July 5, 2009
Alternate Reality: Palin Resigns Presidency To Lead Country Better, Better Effect Change
Washington, D.C., 2011 -- President Sarah Palin shocked the country today after she announced that she would resign her position as President because, among other things, she did not wish to become a lame duck.
President Palin, who was elevated to the post shortly after nine Inaugural balls proved too much for the elderly President John McCain -- "It was one dance too many," said a tearful Cindy McCain -- has only been President for two years, but she said that she could better lead America if she was not hampered by her current position as the leader of America.
In yet another surprise, Palin, who never appointed her replacement to the Office of the Vice President said that she would be handing over the reins to Nancy Pelosi, who pledged to be the "best second woman president this country has ever had."
Palin likened her decision to resign to a basketball player's decision to "pass the ball," a quarterback's decision to "get rid of the pigskin," and a NASA flight controller's decision to "ground the bird." She also made a comparison between her role as President and her future role as an "American leader" to the difference between butter and "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter."
She also loosely quoted General Douglas Macarthur, saying "We are not moving backward. We are moving forward in reverse."
Palin's made the announcement from her home in Wasilla, Alaska, where she continued to live even after becoming President. She had decried "wasting American tax dollars on keeping up that expensive White House," adding "she had a perfectly good house in Alaska, and a good deal of it is white."
Palin's bills commuting from Washington to Alaska during her two years in office cost the country close to $20 million, according to figures provided by the Office of Management and Budget.