May 15, 2008
Fossella To Spend More Time With One Of His Families

Congressman Vito Fossella, who was recently arrested for driving while intoxicated, announced today that he will resign from Congress "in order to spend more time with one of his families." Fossella made it clear that he had not yet decided which family he was planning on spending more time with, but told reporters that he would have time to reflect upon the question during an upcoming prison stint.

"Perhaps the easiest way to decide is to figure out which family I'd like to spend less time with," he quipped.

Fossella is married with three children. When he was recently bailed out of jail by a woman who was not his wife, but the mother of his secret love child, it became public that Fossella also has a second, secret family residing in the Washington, D.C. area.

"It's kind of like a franchise," Fossella attempted to explain before being hustled into a waiting car by anxious Capitol Hill aides.

There is no truth to rumors that Fossella hopes to start families in Palm Beach, Chicago, Beverly Hills, London, Paris, and Milan, aides said.

Posted by Tom Burka at 11:10 AM in News