December 31, 2007
Huckabee to Run Negative Ads Attacking Self For Running Negative Ads
Today in Iowa, Mike Huckabee told reporters "enough is enough" and denounced negative campaigning. Huckabee, who recently fashioned a strident negative campaign ad about rival Mitt Romney, said it was "about time I stopped this viscous campaign of negative attack ads that I have been running," and derided himself as a "detestable fearmonger." He also labelled himself a "pandering schizophrenic."
"Mike Huckabee is about standing on Mike Huckabee's qualifications for President and Mike Huckabee's record, and he is not about pointing out his opponents' disgusting failures and ineptitudes -- of which there are many -- in order to gain the nation's highest office," Huckabee explained. Gesturing to a negative ad he was running locally, he added, "I reject this Mike Huckabee and his evil, negative campaigning ways."
A spokesman for Huckabee said that Huckabee would continue to run attack ads against his opponents, but noted that they would now conclude with the admonition, "My name is Mike Huckabee, and I strongly disapprove of this ad."
Posted by Tom Burka at 6:51 PM
December 20, 2007
Supoenaed Document Bonfire Caused Vice Presidential Chamber Flames
The White House confirmed this morning that the cause of a fire that threatened to consume the Vice President's ceremonial chambers was a bonfire made up of documents that Congress has subpoenaed over the past year.
"We do this every holiday season," said Jared Simms, a spokesperson for the Vice President. "As the Vice President often says, 'There's nothing on a cold winter day like curling up with a good book beside a heap of slowly roasting memos.'"
Some have decried what they called "the wanton destruction of requested documents," but Simms denied any wrongdoing. "It's just festive, that's all," he said.
"If it makes you feel better, there were no CIA interrogation tapes in that fire to speak of," Simms added.
Posted by Tom Burka at 4:36 PM
December 4, 2007
Democrats Responsible For Entire Disastrous Bush Administration Reign, Says Rove
Karl Rove today said that George Bush's presidency would have been a great success if Democrats had not forced Bush to make countless numbers of flawed decisions that have led the country down the path toward national disaster.
"We wouldn't have invaded Iraq, we would have saved New Orleans, we would have staffed FEMA," said Rove. "It's all the Democrats' fault."
Rove went on to say that if voters wanted a change from the disastrous Bush years, they'd have to vote Republican. "It's sad how these Democrats mishandled the Bush Presidency."
Rove also blamed Bill Clinton for having "come before" Bush. "It's just awful the way Clinton directly preceded him," said Rove.
Rove went on to blame the flawed policies of the "Democrats' Bush Treasury Department" for the decline of the dollar and the Democrats' "ridiculous love of the subprime mortgage" for the downturn in the economy. "I'm genuinely shocked at how the Dems let this housing bubble expand," he added. "It's too bad the Republican White House and the Republican-contreolled congress couldn't stop the powerful Democratic juggernaut."
He also blamed Democrats for failing to prevent 9/11. Condi RIce agreed, saying, "Only the Democrats foresaw that planes might be used as weapons. If only they had told us."
The Washington Post and other great American periodicals subsequently reported Rove's remarks, saying that there was a "difference of opinion" about who was in control of the White House, the Congress and the country the past seven years. Republicans claim that it was the Democrats, while Democrats -- perhaps spuriously -- claim that the President and a majority in Congress were Republican during most of that period.
Posted by Tom Burka at 9:01 AM