November 6, 2007
Democrats Hand Over Own Balls To President At White House Ceremony

by Guest Blogger Chris Edelson

In a Rose Garden ceremony this morning, Sen. Charles Schumer (D-NY) and Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) formally handed over their balls to President George W. Bush.

"Recent actions make clear that we don't need these anymore," said Schumer as he handed over a small plastic bag containing his genitalia.

Sen. Feinstein echoed Schumer's words, bowing deferentially to the President and adding, "As a woman coming of age in the 1950s and 60s, it took me years of hard work to get and maintain these balls. But I'm more than willing to part with them now."

Schumer and Feinstein decided to formalize their relationship with the White House after breaking with members of their own party in a vote to confirm Judge Michael B. Mukasey for the post of Attorney General, despite his sanction of torture and his apparent contempt for the rule of law.

In a show of support, Republican Arlen Spector handed over his own testes in a tribute to what he acknoweldged was his "talk-tough, do-nothing" policy. "I wholeheartedly endorse the actions of these Democrats in rolling over like a cheap date after a bottle of Ripple," he remarked.

Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-CT) also attended today's ceremony, although he had already turned in his balls in late 2001.

Leading experts were not surprised by the ceremony. "After the Democrats took control of Congress last fall, most people assumed they would move swiftly to confront a deeply unpopular President, engaged in a deeply unpopular war, and embroiled in a deeply unpopular assault on our most profoundly held Constitutional values," said Prof. P.E. Gordon of the Kennedy School of Government. "But that hasn't been the case."

Prof. Gordon explained the Democrats' logic. "They don't want to change the status quo because they want to get elected in 2008 so they can change the status quo."

He smiled. "That's what they said in 2006, too."

Posted by Tom Burka at 8:50 PM in News