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March 22, 2007
Excerpts from the Missing Emails Concerning the U.S. Attorney Purge
To: Alberto Gonzales, Attorney General Judge, I'm concerned that the Democrat Congress is going to require us to testify and swear under oath soon. What should we say? Paul Paul, What the hell is this "testimony" and "oath swearing"? As you may know, I was a Judge in Texas and these concepts are not used down there. Judge Judge, You and I both know the President's views on swearing, and he says he will be G-d effing damned if a member of his office is forced to swear in public. Harriet Miers Judge, They say they want the truth. Paul Paul, I want the truth to come out just as much as the next man. The next man being Karl Rove. Judge To: Karl Rove Seeking your instructions on giving the truth on the U.S. Attorney matter. Please advise. Paul McNulty Paul, You know that saying, the truth shall set you free? Have you ever heard the saying, the truth shall get you five to fifteen, or three to five if you become a cooperating witness? Rove Karl, So we should lie? Paul Paul, I was joking. I want the truth to come out as much as the next man. The next man being Dick Cheney. Karl Dick, Seeking advice on testifying before Congress on the U.S. Attorney thing. Karl said something about the truth, but it was unclear. Judge Judge, I want the truth to come out. Preferably in a small room with the blinds drawn and some very loud music playing over it. And no transcripts! Tell them we'll let them take notes on cocktail napkins. Black cocktail napkins that they have to leave with us. Dick Dick, And by truth you mean? Judge Judge, The same stuff we do whenever our lips move. Dick Dick, Hypothetically: If someone were to kind of bend the truth under oath, they could still be nominated to the Supreme Court, right? Judge Judge, Please direct questions like this to Justice Roberts. Dick 
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