September 18, 2006
The Torturer's Thesaurus
Alternatives to "Alternate Interrogation"
Constructive euphemisms for torture that our President overlooked in his recent speech on the subject:
Desperately Curious Questioning
Seriously Persistent Inquiry
Absurdly Thorough Answer-Seeking
Interior Cranial Inspection
Physically Deep and Penetrating Philosophical Investigation
Militarily-Aided Meditation on the Nature of the Self.
Update: Possible Compromises on the President's Torture bill:
We'll only torture people some of the time.
Subject gets to listen to song of his choosing every three waterboarding sessions.
Subject gets a coupon with every false confession.
Subject gets to keep his fingernails. In a plastic jar.
Posted by Tom Burka at 10:53 AM