October 27, 2005
Hitchcock Salutes Plame Prosecutor
Master of Suspense Comes Back From Grave To Pay Homage To "New Master"
Master filmmaker Alfred Hitchcock rose from his grave today to pay tribute to Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald, who he said has successfully generated more suspense around the Plame case than any number of Hitchcock's best thrillers. Hitchcock said that he had risen from his grave not only to meet Fitzgerald, but because he simply could not wait to find out what would happen next.
"In short," Hitchcock quipped, "the suspense is un-killing me."
Some say Fitzgerald is a student of Hitchcock who has finally surpassed his teacher; he has been known to regale companions with a tale of two people talking at a table under which two indictments are quietly ticking.
Update: Old Fashioned Patriot builds on this brilliantly:
Joseph Wilson, The Man Who Knew Too Much, was sent to Niger and wrote a letter, thus becoming a Foreign Correspondent. The Psycho didn't like Wilson's report because Bush's window dressing for attacking Iraq became A Torn Curtain. . . .Read it here.
Posted by Tom Burka at 9:52 PM
October 25, 2005
Judith Miller To Take Job Actually Carrying Libby's Bags
Will Continue Work She Started As Reporter At NY Times
Reporter Judith Miller announced today that she will resign from the staff of the New York Times to take a job with White House aide I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby. Miller testified recently before a federal grand jury concerning conversations she had with Libby about CIA agent Valerie Plame.
"Working directly under Scooter seemed like a natural move," said Miller. Miller may also assist Libby with some deep cleaning of intransigent stains in his apartment. "Yes," Miller confirmed, "I will continue to do his dirty work."
Miller has come under fire lately for a "chummy" relationship with Libby that some say clouded her reporting on Iraq's alleged WMD. Miller wrote five crucial articles advancing the Cheney administration's claims that Iraq possessed WMD, although she later admitted that those articles were "kind of wrong."
"Oops," she said, smiling and shrugging her shoulders.
Responding to critics who alleged that it was, at the very least, poor journalism to uncritically report as fact unsupported theories advanced by President Cheney and Scooter Libby, Miller said, "I can only be as ethical as my sources."
Miller recently spent 85 days in jail to protect the identity of a source whose name she cannot recall.
Posted by Tom Burka at 3:56 PM
October 14, 2005
Fawning Iraqi Soldier To Replace Miers As Supreme Court Pick
Best Man for the Job, Says Bush
President Bush withdrew Harriet Miers from consideration for the Supreme Court this morning and replaced her with an Iraqi soldier who told him yesterday, "President Bush, I like you."
"That's certainly good enough for me," said Bush.
President Bush was talking over a videolink with a small group of American soldiers in Iraq that included the Iraqi, Sgt. Maj. Akeel Shaker Nassi, when Nassi made his remark.
Nassi's statement capped a stream of praise which he had sent Bush's way since the invasion of Iraq. In a letter dated July, 2004, Nassi wrote, "President Bush, you are simply great!!!" and also, "I bet Laura is the best wife ever!!" In a seperate note, Nassi wrote, "You're super! You rock!"
Nassi recently described Bush as "the smartest man that I never met." He said that he hoped that Bush would give him a nickname soon, hopefully either "Baksheesh" or "Herb."
Conservatives who were opposed to the Miers nomination were unsure as to the position they should take on the new nominee, but James Dobson, head of prominent right-wing evangelical group, said that he supported the President's pick.
"I'm not at liberty to say why," he said, "but I just spoke to Karl Rove." Dobson said nothing further but held up a bible, pointed at it, gave a thumbs up, and winked knowingly.
Posted by Tom Burka at 11:52 AM
October 6, 2005
White House Seeking Limits On Interrogation of Members of White House
President Bush said that he will veto a bill by Senators that would limit interrogation of military prisoners -- that is, prohibit torture -- but Bush said he would consider signing similar legislation if it provided for curbs on the interrogation of White House personnel.
Senior White House officials, among them Karl Rove, "Scooter" Libby, and Stephen Hadley were said to be very interested in making sure prisoners who recently worked in the White House would be treated humanely.
"We don't want to see them waterboarding Rove," said a high-ranking official who wished to remain anonymous because he feared his imminent indictment.
One of the reasons the White House gave for the legislation was that it sought to protect confidential information which the White House possesses. "We think that White House officials should be able to leak confidential information willingly," said the source.
"The only person in the White House who could stand up to torture is White House spokesperson Scott McClellan. We're convinced that no matter what anybody did to him, he would just spout the same evasionist nonsense that he doles out every day."
Posted by Tom Burka at 10:00 AM
October 3, 2005
Bush Nominates Actual Blank Slate To Supreme Court
Long Held Positions of Trust and Confidence in Bush Administrations
This morning President Bush named an actual blank slate to fill Justice Sandra Day O'Connor's place on the Supreme Court. "This slate has served me well," said Bush, "and it will make a heckuva great Supreme Court judge."
The slate, which has never been a judge before, has a long history with President Bush, dating back to his days when it hung in an office at the Governor's Mansion in Texas. "That slate did a good job," said Bush. "It held whatever we wanted to it to. This is an excellent slate."
Democrats are already hoping they will receive better disclosure about the slate than they did about Chief Justice Roberts. "We expect to see what was written on this slate during its time in the Bush Administrations," said Senator Charles Schumer, a prominent member of the judiciary committee. Members of the Bush Administration have already hinted that they will only be releasing some lunch orders written on the slate in 1998. "We think that's enough," they said.
The affable and extremely collegiate slate is expected to have an easy confirmation, and hearings are not expected to take long. "There just isn't much that we can examine," said Sen. Patrick Leahy.
Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid however, has taken a strog position against the slate. "I will vote no," he said. "There's just too much we don't know about a slate that will end up making important decisions that impact America for the next generation."
That having been said, Reid said he would not pressure fellow Democrats on the vote. "The slate will certainly be confirmed," he said. Reid said that he was "holding his fire" for a battle that Democrats will be able to win.
Posted by Tom Burka at 8:50 AM