Cheney Said To Have Had Influence In Pick

Ahmed Chalabi was appointed to teach the White House's newly required ethics course, where he will instruct high level White House officials on maintaining the appearance of ethical conduct. (Two other candidates for the position, G. Gordon Liddy and I. Lewis Libby were unavailable, citing scheduling conflicts.)

Chalabi will use the course to develop a curriculum that he will later teach at the Cheney School of Government, a new school affiliated with Heritage Foundation and built using money the current Vice President has siphoned from the public trough.

Among the topics expected to offered at the Cheney School will be Advanced Up-is-Down-ism, Mechanics of Legal Fund Management, Co-Opting Big Media, and Bilateral Elocution. Chalabi is planning to helm two courses: Treason for Dummies and Intermediate Treachery.

Donald Rumsfeld will be teaching a course called "Bullet Points: How to Boil Down the Most Complex Situation into a Simple, Misleading, and Inaccurate Litany," and Paul Wolfowitz will teach "The Joy of Empire Building".

Cheney said that President Bush will not be teaching a course at the new school, but has instead applied to be the first student. "His application is under review," said Cheney, "but I must say, he doesn't seem to have any real aptitude for it."