"Hammer" Will Fit Right In, Says Kim Jong Il

North Korea announced that it was willing to offer besieged former House Majority Leader Tom Delay asylum, saying that, among other things, Kim Jong Il was looking a new right-hand man.

"We could use a Tom Delay here," Kim Jong Il said, "Discipline has been lax around here. We need 'The Hammer'."

Jong Il also noted that he was sympathetic to Delay's plight. "I know what it's like to be a victim of political prosecutions," he said. He described Delay as "under-appreciated in capitalist circles."

Spokesmen for Delay would not comment on the offer, although a source close to Delay said that Delay was intrigued by what he might be able to do if he had control over nuclear weapons.