July 21, 2005
Chess for Dummies
JOHN: We're back to All Night Wrestling, ladies and gentlemen, where the Democratic Party seem to have Karl Rove on the ropes. Sen. Harry Reid has Rove on the mat, it looks like it may be all over . . .
JIM: Rove actually looks worried.
JOHN: And what's this!?! Bush tags in with a partner, is that allowed? -- a Judge Roberts is in the ring, and Bush and Roberts have thrown Harry Reid into the bleachers where he is already nursing a wound.
JIM: He doesn't have a wound.
JOHN: But he believes he does, and in Democratic wrestling, as you know, Jim, that's half the game.
JIM: That's right, John, and now -- Karl Rove has pulled out a chessboard!
JOHN: That's right, as we've seen before, he can play any game he wants.
JIM: Yes, once again, Karl Rove has pulled out a chessboard, where he has queened yet another pawn.
JOHN: How many pawns does Rove have there, Jim?
JIM: I lost count a long time ago, John, but there are an awful lot and -- oh! And he's queened another one while we were talking.
JOHN: Yes, he has, Jim. And now the Democrats appear to be coming back into the ring -- there's Chuck Schumer, he seems wary of Roberts, who is distracting him from the board. I'm not sure he even sees it, Jim.
JIM: Yes. Schumer is proceeding almost daintily, walking quietly around the ring while Rove, Bush, and now Mehlman --
JOHN: Yes, Karl Rove and George W. Bush have now tossed the few Democratic pieces remaining on the board out of the ring. They are wholly dominating this arena.
JIM: Well, the Democrats were at a huge disadvantage in this game to begin with, John, you'll remember they had no King or Queen, the few pieces they had were either hemmed in by the Republican pieces so they could barely move, or those few pieces they had, they were afraid to take out of the box. Also, Karl Rove co-opted all of the bishops early in the game, and a couple of the Democratic knights seemed almost to be playing for the other side entirely.
JOHN: Yes, Peter.
JOHN: John. Yes, Jim, they had a poor opening gambit, and now that Roberts is in the ring, it's yet another disappointing rout in an altogether dismal season for this once great franchise.
JIM: Oh, and this just in: a missing turtle roils Western Connecticut. This and what you don't know about sea bass that could kill you, after the break.
Posted by Tom Burka at 7:02 AM