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July 15, 2005
Rove Entirely Dependent on Novak for Top-Secret Government Information, Says Super-Secret White House Source

A White House source who declined to be identified because it did not serve his purposes -- Lewis Libby, Dick Cheney's Chief of Staff -- leaked to reporters today that Karl Rove was entirely dependent on columnist Bob Novak for confidential government information. For instance, Libby said, Rove did not leak Valerie Plame's name and occupation to Robert Novak; Novak leaked it to him.

"I understand that it is rare for a a government official at the highest levels of the federal government, in the White House, virtually sitting in the President's lap, to be entirely dependent on a reporter for top-secret, highly confidential government information, but that's the case here," said Libby anonymously.

Libby asked to be known to the public only by the nickname "Hand Job," in the tradition of other famous government leakers.

"Sadly, despite Rove's powerful influence in the White House, his top-secret clearance, and his intimate association with the heads of the FBI, the CIA, the NSA, DIA, DNA and DDT, he knew nothing about anything until Bob Novak clued him on it," said Libby. "This is Karl's terrible little secret."

In related news, Minority Leader Bill Frist said that Democrats calling for Rove's ouster were resorting to partisan war chants and refused to "pass the peace pipe" and "make'um nice."

"I have set the tone for working with my comrades on the other side of the aisle," said Frist. "It's awfully sad when democrats feel they have to be as fiercely partisan as I have been."

Posted by Tom Burka at 10:15 AM in News