Educating Children Possibly Big Mistake, Uneducated Kansans Say

Members of the Kansas State Board of Education started a "debate" last week exploring whether or not it was proper to pass knowledge on to children in schools. "Perhaps passing on everything that mankind has learned to our children is overrated," said Board of Education member Sheila Kitzick to fellow board members last Wednesday.

Instead of teaching children about evolution, Kansans proposed teaching children that the earth is flat, and that everyone will fall off if they walk over the edge of the Kansas border. "Have you ever seen anyone come back from a trip to the mythical city of Denver?" asked Ph.D. Farrah Reed of Topeka.

Kitzick and her brethren were also troubled by what they claimed is "a bad trend" in history classes of teaching everything that "allegedly" came after the Dark Ages. "What is this 'rennaisance' teachers keep prattling on about?' she asked.

Professor Bill Nybol, a visiting scholar from Princeton, advocated for the actual education of children, urging, "We can teach our children about the world without compromising our religious beliefs." He was subsequently found to be a witch and burned.

Biologist Bryan Phelps, a colleague of Nybol's, surprised reporters when he said that was not sure that evolution should be taught in Kansas schools. "While there is abundant evidence of evolution almost everywhere in the world," he said, "there isn't much in Kansas."