Bankruptcy Bill Ditched In Favor Of More "Direct" Legislation

The GOP leadership in Congress has decided to throw out the Bankruptcy Bill in favor of legislation that directly transfers all money from the poor and middle class to wealthy individuals and mammoth corporations.

"The bankruptcy bill -- which completely stopped this horrible practice of providing middle class and poor people a fresh start -- was a great idea" said Bill Frist. "But then we figured, why not just give those big corporations and CEO's the money directly?"

"We're tired of all these half-measures," agreed Sen. Mitch McConnell.

Republicans also expressed frustration at the length of time it was taking to dismantle social programs helping the poor and middle-class to live. "What is taking so freaking long already?" said John Sununu. "It's time for the downtrodden to start stumbling about on their own two gimpy legs, without the government getting involved and stirring up trouble."

Republicans were also concerned that government programs continued to regulate corporations for the good of the people. "These public policy initiatves are getting in the way of the ownership society," said Sen. Rick Santorum.

"Owning things is good," said Fred Dursley, President of Chase Manhattan Bank and a sponsor of the Bankruptcy Bill. "But sometimes owing things is better."