Presidential Medal Of Freedom Cannot Be Worn On Thursdays, Agrees Angry President

A review by the CIA of its pre-9/11 efforts blames George Tenet and a few others for "so ignoring the threat of terrorism" that they failed to prevent the World Trade Center attacks, and calls for Tenet to be severely punished for his shortcomings.

The administration today said that it had no choice but to follow the recommendation. "We are considering several avenues," said Sheila Wickner, a White House spokesperson. "The President will either give Tenet a stern finger-shaking or rub his nose in the Oval Office carpet."

Wickner said that the President was not considering taking the Presidential Medal of Freedom back from Tenet, because Tenet deserved the award for his public service. Wickner pointed out that the Medal had been awarded to golfer Arnold Palmer, among others, and that "Tenet himself is pretty amazing with a five-iron."

The CIA report blames Tenet for ignoring a Presidential Daily Briefing report ("PDB") entitled "Bin Laden Determined To Strike In The U.S.," saying that Tenet should have tried to impress upon the President that Bin Laden was planning to strike in the United States. Tenet personally briefed the President on the document on August 6, 2001.

"He should have shaken President Bush by the shoulders or something," said CIA analyst Herman Shrewville, one of those responsible for preparing the CIA critique. "Or maybe read the memo out loud with a Texas twang."