December 8, 2004
Iraq CIA Reports Contaminated By Exposure To Liberal Chatter, Says White House

Two recent CIA reports depicting the future of Iraq as exceptionally shaky were the result of too much CIA/FBI electronic eavesdropping on liberal groups in the United States, White House officials charged today.

"We're greatly concerned about what we see as an overdose of reality-based perceptions in these reports," said Dick Cheney.

The two agents who gave the reports -- an Iraq station chief and a senior agent who had made a recent visit to Iraq -- have been placed in a safe house for observation and quarantine, sources revealed. "We think we may have contained the outbreak," said Dr. Ivan van Fromderwear.

The two pessimistic reports were authored after "listening carefully to liberal chatter," an agency spokesperson may or may not have confirmed today, but he denied that that reality had contaminated agents' perceptions.

"CIA Director Goss has made it quite clear that reality has no place in any report used to determine policy in this administration," he said.

Posted by Tom Burka at 1:20 PM in News