November 9, 2004
U.S. Negotiates Complete Start Of Hostilities Against City Of Fallujah

Insurgents Allowed To Leave On Condition That Remaining City Be Bombed To Rubble

In retaliation for insurgents' occupation of Fallujah, U.S. have negotiated the complete escape of all insurgent leaders from the city, in exchange for which U.S and Iraqi forces are to be allowed to bomb the remaining city to rubble. Insurgents also agreed to leave behind a token force of insurgents that U.S. forces can kill, capture, injure, and hound. U.S. representatives declined to reveal the number of civilian casualties that insurgents and U.S. forces agreed upon.

"This is a great victory for U.S diplomacy," said Donald Rumsfeld. "We have a negotiated a complete begin-to-fire with the rebels."

The United States also engaged in successful negotiations with Iraqi Prime Minister Iyad Allawi regarding the name of the fairly useless exercise in beating the hell of a relatively undefended town. Initially, U.S. forces wanted to call the mission "Operation Phantom Fury," while Iraqis wished to call it "Operation Dawn." Eventually the U.S. agreed to call the mission "Operation Phantom Fury," in exchange for which the Iraqi government could tell Iraqis that, translated into Arabic, that means "Operation Dawn."

Posted by Tom Burka at 10:06 AM in News