November 3, 2004
Kerry Calls For Grounding Of Youth Of America

Low Turnout Among Youth Vote Means They're "Busted," Democrats Say

In light of the poor showing of the critically important 18 to 29 year old group at the polls yesterday, Democrats and John Kerry was calling for America's youth to be "totally grounded."

I'm not blaming them for my loss," said Kerry. "But I am taking away their car keys."

Experts were at a loss to explain why young voters stayed away from the polls, although they speculated that the cause may have been a backlash from a flood of celebrity get-out-the-vote drives.

"This may definitively show," said Erstwhile Holmes, celebrity biographer, "that P. Diddy is not, actually, 'all that.'"

Others blamed the Xbox and the Playstation 2, which pollsters say 18-29 year olds widely favor over John Kerry and George W. Bush.

Update: I was reacting to initial reports that the same number of 18-29 year olds voted, as a percentage of the electorate (%17), as in the the 2000 election. But, as alert reader Sulayman notes in the comments, this initial report was wrong: there was a sizable increase in the number of voters in this bracket from the year 2000. So, in the words of Emily Litella: never mind.

Posted by Tom Burka at 11:56 AM in News