October 7, 2004
FEC Orders Kerry To Plug Pro-Bush Site In Next Debate

Only Fair, Say Commissioners

The Federal Election Commission has ordered John F. Kerry to inadvertently direct viewers to a pro-George W. Bush website during Friday's town hall debate. On Tuesday, during the Vice-Presidential debate between Dick Cheney and John Edwards, Cheney mistakenly directed viewers to a site that urged visitors not to vote for President Bush, GeorgeSoros.com.

In order to promote balance, commissioners said that "it was only fair" to require John Kerry to address what they called the "fundamental inequity" of allowing Vice President Cheney to advertise pro-Kerry sites during the debate.

Members of the Federal Communications Commission were working with the FEC on the matter. "We have to safeguard the airways, and the airwaves belong to the people," said a comissioner. "Us people."

Initially the Commissioners were unsure of which appropriately pro-Bush site they were going to require Kerry to mention, but by late this afternoon, they had settled on one.


Thanks to the shadowy and mysterious FleeingToTheGreyHavens (nom de web) for the headline and idea.

After I posted this, but before he read it, FleeingToTheGreyHavens emailed this alternate scenario:

The Federal Election Commission today ordered Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry to mention the website www.foxnews.com every time he disputes a fact alleged by President Bush. Said Commissioner Inmai Hippocket, "It's only fair. After all, Cheney sent everyone to that Soros website. It's just good sportsmanship to return the favor."

Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia agreed,stating that there was already a strong legal precedent for giving Bush every possible advantage--and then some--when it comes to election rules. Justice Clarence Thomas stood by staring slack-jawed for a few moments, apparently awed by this masterpiece of jurisprudence, and then piped in, "Me too. Me too. Count me in guys, OK."

The full account of Cheney's slip can be found here.

Update: Kudos go to vigilant reader Michael C. for pointing out problems with the link to factcheck.org.

Posted by Tom Burka at 12:56 PM in News