After George W. Bush suffered a nervous breakdown during tonight's debate against John Kerry, television commentators unanimously agreed that Bush had won the debate:

Laying his head upon the podium, Bush began to speak in a soft, high-pitched voice. His microphone was able to pick up questions apparently aimed at his father, former President George H.W. Bush, rather than his opponent. "Daddy. Daddy. Daddy, why don't you love me? " Bush whimpered.

Cokie Roberts, in a post debate roundtable on ABC, stated that such actions "clearly presented a softer, sensitive side" of Bush, "that every man in America will identify with."

Update: A couple of folks seem to think I wrote this story. Link to story revised to try to make it clearer that Jazzmaniac did.